


You're the reason that I'm hanging on

by Thomasnewtminho29



Category: The 100 (TV)
Genre: Fix-It, Jasper lives, M/M, rewrite of 4x13
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-06-04
Updated: 2017-06-04
Packaged: 2018-11-08 23:55:05
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,164
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11092569
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Thomasnewtminho29/pseuds/Thomasnewtminho29
Summary: "When Jasper Jordan woke, he was cold, thirsty, alone and very much alive"Jasper didn't die. When he wakes up with Monty's words ringing in his ears he decides to take his second chance and live. Now he just has to find a way of contacting Monty before the end of the world.





	You're the reason that I'm hanging on

**Author's Note:**

> So this has taken me a while to write. Jasper's death broke my heart. I have never ever loved a character as much as I love Jasper and I've never loved a relationship between two characters as much as I love Jasper and Monty's. 
> 
> This fic is basically my way of coping. I definitely don't think it's my best work but I gave it a go. I hope you enjoy it. I haven't actually watched this episode but I've seen some scenes so I hope I got some aspects right. 
> 
> I made a couple of changes which are that Monty left a radiation suit behind because he was grieving and there was another old, crappy rover left behind that no one uses (it works for the story).
> 
> Please let me know what you think (and see if you can spot the Grey's Anatomy quote)!

When Jasper Jordan woke, he was cold, thirsty, alone and very much alive. His stomach twisted. He hadn’t succeeded and now he was going to die in a wave of painful radiation.

 

_“I love you!”_

Monty’s words echoed through his head, tugging at his heart. Jasper winced as he remembered hearing Monty’s confession and his heart-breaking sobs just before he fell unconscious. He wanted to see Monty so badly it hurt. The idea that Monty thought he was dead made him want to cry. His initial feelings of heartache and anger over still being alive were slowly fading. Could he have been given a chance to try again? To _live_? He slowly pulled himself up and looked out of the window. He didn’t know exactly how much time had passed but the sky was now completely red. He could feel his skin burning from the radiation and knew it would soon get much worse. There was no time to get to Polis now. Jasper remembered Murphy’s stories about how he’d been locked in an underground bunker on ALIE’s island. Jasper didn’t know how long he’d survive on limited supplies but if he could just get there and find some way of communicating with the bunker and letting Monty know he was alive and that he loved him, then that would be good enough for him.

 

Jasper suddenly felt like he had a new sense of purpose. He rushed through Arkadia, grabbing anything that he thought could be useful. He skidded into the main hall and stopped in his tracks as he took in the sight before him. The hall was littered with the bodies of his fellow DNR members. Empty cups of jobi tea were strewn across the floor and there was a chilling feel to the room. Jasper staggered to one side and vomited.

 

Darkness threatened him. Once again he was surrounded by death and destruction, caused by something he had suggested. _“Oh god”_ he thought. _What did I do?”_ A little voice in the back of his mind, one that sounded suspiciously like Monty’s, told him that none of this was his fault. These people had chosen death. They’d wanted to die without any pain or suffering, they were now at peace. It still didn’t stop Jasper’s stomach from churning. He didn’t stop to look for Harper’s body. He didn’t think he could bear it. He was now more determined than ever to get to Monty.

 

As he was making his way out of the room, something caught his eye. He bent down and saw a radiation suit, neatly folded with a helmet next to it. _Monty._ Jasper couldn’t believe that Monty had left one of his suits here even though he believed Jasper was dead. Jasper was torn between being terrified about Monty’s state of mind and grateful that this suit would provide him with a better chance of getting to ALIE’s bunker. He pulled on the suit as he wondered how exactly he was going to get to the island. He’d been thinking about Monty so much that he hadn’t thought of the logistics. It was too far to walk, especially in his current state of malnutrition. Bellamy had said that there was a rover that was left behind but Monty would have taken that when he left. Jasper’s heart sank, there was no way out. Except…

 

There was an older rover, one which didn’t work as well and was likely to cut out when you travelled long distances. There was no way they would have taken it all the way to Polis. Jamming his helmet on, Jasper picked up his pack of supplies and raced to the hanger. His shoulders slumped with relief as he saw that the rover was indeed still in the hanger. He opened the door and attempted to start it. “Come _on_ ” he muttered as he repeatedly tried to start the ignition. Suddenly there was a roar as the engine burst into life. Jasper almost smiled as he tore out of the hanger and left Arkadia behind him.

 

By the time he arrived at the lake, the entire sky was glowing red. The dust caused by the impeding wave of radiation had completely coated the rover and there had been a few times when Jasper had thought he was going to crash. Against all odds he’d made it in one piece. Something caught his eye as he parked near to the water’s edge. His blood ran cold, the rover which Bellamy and the others had left behind, the one Monty had taken was parked a few metres away from him. What the hell was it doing here? Why wasn’t Monty at the bunker? He hurried to a small motorboat near the shore and started the engine with a new sense of urgency.

 

As he crossed the water he could make out lights illuminating a building in the distance. “What the hell is going on?” Jasper mumbled to himself. He’d fully expected to be on his own. He had no clue who or what he’d find. He prayed that Monty wasn’t being held hostage by grounders. Finally reaching the opposite shore, he leapt off the boat and started running towards the building. Despite the radiation suit, he could almost feel his skin burning and he was beginning to gasp for air from the lack of oxygen. He didn’t care about what he’d find in the building, he just wanted to get inside. He reached the building, flung open the doors and stopped dead. He was in a lab filled with high class technology but that wasn’t what was making his throat constrict and his eyes fill with tears.

 

His friends were right in front of him. Raven, Clarke and Bellamy, along with two girls he didn’t know, all appeared to be working hard on something but looked up as Jasper walked in. Jasper couldn’t see Monty anywhere. Maybe it wasn’t his rover after all.

 

Raven stood up from where she’d been crouched down working at the base of some kind of dropship and took a couple of steps forward, brandishing a screwdriver at him. “Who are you?” she asked warily.

 

Jasper laughed as he removed his helmet. “Woah guys, it’s only me. Looks like you’ve been having a party without me.”

 

There was silence as his friends stared open mouthed at Jasper. The silence was broken as Raven dropped the screwdriver which produced a clang which echoed across the lab. “Holy crap” Raven breathed.

 

Before Jasper could even open his mouth, someone had slammed into him, knocking the breath out of him and wrapping their arms around him. “I can’t believe it’s you” Bellamy said, his voice thick and muffled by Jasper’s shoulder. “I told you we’d meet again but even I didn’t believe it.”

 

Jasper hugged Bellamy back tightly, a couple of tears escaped and tricked down his cheeks. “I didn’t think I’d ever see you again either” he said softly. “I certainly didn’t plan on making it to the end of the world.”

 

Bellamy pulled away, his face streaked with tears. “I’m glad you’re here” he told him.

 

Raven gently pushed Bellamy out of the way so she could hug Jasper too. “We thought you were dead” she said after she’d pulled away. “Monty said-“

 

“I didn’t get the quantities right” Jasper interrupted. He took a deep breath, “I wanted to die, that’s true. I didn’t think that life was worth living, especially at the end of the world and I didn’t think anyone cared about me. I was wrong, I’m glad I got another chance.”

 

“I’m glad you did too” a voice said, startling Jasper. He looked up and saw Clarke smiling nervously at him. Jasper smiled back. He really was happy to see her and he realised that any previous animosity he had towards her had already faded away. There was no point in being angry with your friends at the end of the world, especially when they’d spent most of their time trying to protect you. “Thank you for not dying” Clarke said.

 

Jasper’s smile grew wider as he remembered Clarke speaking the same words when he’d woken after being speared. “I’m going to try not to die now too if that’s ok?” he joked. It felt like a weight was slowly being taken off his shoulders, like the darkness which had been surrounding him was receding just a little. The others laughed and the atmosphere in the room grew lighter.

 

Raven pulled two girls forward. “Jasper, I don’t think you know Emori and Echo. Emori is Murphy’s girlfriend and Echo is-”

 

“Ice Nation” Jasper finished. He recognised her name and it made his blood run cold. “She helped to blow up Mount Weather, didn’t she?” Echo looked down at her feet, her cheeks growing red.

 

“She saved our lives” Bellamy explained quietly. “We’re giving her a second chance”.

 

Jasper nodded reluctantly. If Bellamy was willing to give Echo another chance then he would too. Movement behind Clarke caught his eye and he looked up to see who it was. His jaw dropped open.

 

“Harper?” he whispered.

 

She walked towards him, her eyes wide and filled with tears. “ _Jasper?_ How is this possible? You were dead. You drank the tea. Monty said you died in his arms.”

 

Jasper shook his head. “It didn’t work” he explained, “and it’s lucky I guess because now I’m not sure I wanted it to. Now I know that…” He trailed off, feeling awkward and embarrassed. He was going to explain that Monty’s confession of love had made him want to live just a little bit more, but this was Monty’s girlfriend. He couldn’t tell her.

 

Harper smiled slightly. “You heard Monty when he said he loved you? He told me” she clarified. Jasper suspected that his surprise had shown on his face. “He’s messed up Jasper” Harper continued. “He loves you so much, it’s like he’s lost part of himself.”

 

“But what about the two of you?” Jasper asked. “You’re still here, you chose to live for him, right?”

 

Harper nodded. “I didn’t want to leave him, he said you and I are his family. The thing is that I’ve always known that we mean different things to him. I’m part of his life and I hope I always will be because he’s been there for me and he’s a great friend, but you’re his _soulmate_ Jasper. You belong together.”

 

Jasper felt overwhelmed with emotion. “Have you told him?” he managed to ask.

 

“We decided we were better off friends” Harper replied. “I’m happy as long as I have you guys, my family. I couldn’t ask for more.”

 

Jasper looked around. His stomach suddenly clenching with fear. “Where _is_ Monty?”

 

“He went with Murphy to the lighthouse to find the generator” Raven told him.

 

Jasper frowned. “Why do you need a generator? Why are you guys even here? What happened to the bunker in Polis?”

 

“100 people from each clan can stay in the bunker” Clarke explained. “There was a conclave, Octavia won, she’s the leader now. We came here to get Raven. There isn’t space for us in the bunker and there’s no time to get back. We’re fixing a dropship so we can get back up to what’s left of the Ark in Space.”

 

Jasper didn’t know what to say. This was easily the craziest plan he’d ever heard but if anyone could pull it off, Raven and Monty could. It worried him that Monty was outside, with Murphy of all people. “How long do we have?” he asked.

 

“Not long” Raven said bluntly. “We need to get a move on. Clarke and Bellamy, we need to get to the tower so we can plug a tablet in so that the satellite dish can align itself to the Ark. Jasper, you come too. We need you and we can find Monty and Murphy on the way. Harper, Echo and Emori, you stay here and make sure everything’s running smoothly. We only have 30 minutes before we need to be in that ship.”

 

Everyone murmured their agreement and Jasper put his helmet back on, eager to get going so he could find Monty. He trudged through the ash and debris with Raven, Clarke and Bellamy by his side. They didn’t speak and Jasper focused all his energy on walking even though that in itself was becoming almost impossible to do. The air felt pressurised and there was a lack of oxygen. Jasper was relieved when Raven pointed the tower out for them.

 

She turned around to face them. “Ok” she said, “you’re going to need to plug the tablet into the base of the tower. Remember, Sat Star 1 is the name of the dish. When the graph turns green you’ll know it’s on. When it says send, you press send. That’s it. Any questions?” Jasper shook his head, noticing that the others were beginning to look quietly confident. They could do this.

 

Bellamy suddenly looked across to the trees, confusion and concern spreading across his face. “Murphy?”

 

Jasper turned and saw Murphy staggering towards them, struggling under the weight of the generator he was carrying. Jasper felt like the world had stopped turning. Where was Monty?

 

Bellamy had the same concern. “Where’s Monty” he asked as he reached Murphy and helped him stand up.

 

“He’s in trouble” Murphy gasped. “He had to expose his hands and he passed out. If we go back now we can get to him.”

 

Jasper stared at Murphy in amazement. He’d never have expected him to even care about Monty. Murphy really had changed. “Take me to him” Jasper said urgently.

 

Murphy turned towards him looking startled. “ _Jasper?_ How the hell-”

 

“We can discuss that later” Jasper interrupted. “We need to get to Monty.”

 

“Go” Raven told them. “Bellamy can help me carry the generator back and Clarke can do the rest. It’s really a one-person job.”

 

“Ok” Jasper said, his heart pounding as he thought about what condition Monty might be in. “Let’s go Murphy.”

 

He and Murphy took off at a run. _“Please let me get there in time”_ he thought desperately. _“Hold on Monty.”_

 

 

*******************************************

 

Monty opened his eyes and groaned in pain. He could still feel his hands burning and his head was fuzzy. He could barely move. _“Come on”_ he told himself. _“Get up. You have to survive.”_  He slowly got to his feet and took a step forward, swaying alarmingly. He knew there was no way he was going to make it all the way back to Becca’s lab. He was going to die out here alone. _“At least I’ll be with Jasper again”_ he thought. His legs gave out from underneath him and he tumbled to the ground again. “I’m sorry Jasper” he said aloud, his voice breaking. “I should have stayed with you.”

 

He could hear voices in the distance and he shook his head wondering if the pain and the ringing in his ears were making him hear things. He could hear Murphy’s voice; it was a little muffled but the words were clear. “I see him! He’s over here!”

 

The next thing he knew, two people were crouched in front of him. One of them was Murphy and he couldn’t see the other person properly. He sighed with relief. He was saved. Then he heard a voice he’d never expected to hear again. “Oh god Monty, hang on. I’ve got you, you’re going to be ok.”

 

Monty closed his eyes, his heart sinking. No one had come to save him. He was hallucinating. That was the only explanation for why Jasper was kneeling in front of him. That, or Monty was already dead and Jasper had come to lead him to the other side. He opened his eyes and saw Jasper’s concerned face staring back at him. “You’re not really here” he croaked. “I’m dying and I’m hallucinating you.”

 

Jasper shook his head frantically. “You’re _not_ dying Monty. I’m here and we’re going to get you back, ok?”

 

Monty’s heart hurt. Hearing Jasper’s voice and knowing he wasn’t real was too much. He turned to Murphy and his breath caught in his throat as he thought about what Murphy’s presence here might mean.”

 

“Oh god” Monty whispered, “are you dead too Murphy?”

 

Murphy looked shocked. “What? No! Look man, I left you and took the generator. I met the others and we came back to find you. I’m so sorry.”

 

Monty’s mind was whirring; he didn’t understand what was going on. “You chose the machine over me?” he asked.

 

Murphy nodded guiltily. “I’m sorry.”

 

“I might not hate you anymore” Monty decided. He concluded that Murphy must be here and he was glad. He couldn’t believe Murphy had come back to save him. He was incredibly grateful.

 

“I agree Monty” Jasper’s voice murmured in his ear. “I might just hate him a little less for saving your life.”

 

“Shut it Jordan” Murphy joked.

 

Monty frowned. “Wait” he said slowly. “You can see Jasper too?”

 

Murphy opened his mouth to reply but before he could say anything Monty’s knees suddenly buckled and he collapsed to the ground again. He let out a gasp of pain as his injured hands hit the ground and he thought he might pass out again. “We need to get him back now” he heard Murphy say. The next thing he knew he was being pulled up by two sets of hands and his arms were gently placed around shoulders.

 

The journey back seemed to take forever. Every step that Monty took left him in excruciating pain and he was trying hard not to cry. Jasper was whispering words of support in his ear the whole time. It soothed him slightly but he was still confused. He was in too much pain to work out what was happening though.

They finally spilled into the lab and Monty squinted against the bright lights. His helmet was removed and he was gently laid down on a bed where he tried to focus on his friends’ voices.

 

“We need to try and fix his hands” Raven was saying.

 

“I wouldn’t try taking his gloves off” Murphy warned. “He screamed when I put one of them back on, I don’t think his body could cope with any more pain.”

 

Monty sat up slowly. He closed his eyes for a few seconds as his head swam. When he opened them again, he felt a bit better. Just being inside was helping him. “I’m ok” he said hoarsely. His friends immediately rushed to his side. Monty immediately searched for Jasper and when he found him he looked up at Bellamy for help.

 

Bellamy nodded, smiling brightly. “It’s really him” he said softly.

 

Tears sprang to Monty’s eyes. _Oh god._ Jasper was really here. He didn’t understand. Jasper knelt beside Monty and placed his hands on Monty’s arms. “Hi” he said.

 

“I- I don’t understand” Monty said shakily. “You were dead, you died in my arms. You were _gone.”_

 

Jasper was rubbing soothing circles on Monty’s arms. “The tea didn’t work” he explained. “I was unconscious and when I woke up I knew I had to find you. I know I’ve hurt you and caused you so much pain but maybe we can actually live. I think I _want_ to live. I want to be with you. _I love you._ ”

 

Monty jerked backwards tears spilling down his cheeks. “You were dead” he sobbed. “Part of me died too. Jasper, when I’m not with you I can’t eat, I can’t sleep, I can’t _breathe_. It’s like I’m infected by Jasper Jordan. You’re my whole world and I know it’s selfish to say that I can’t live without you but it’s true. I broke my promise to you. I said we’d be happy again but I couldn’t help you.”

 

He broke down, his body wracked with painful sobs. He felt Jasper pulling him into his arms and he let him. “I’m sorry” Jasper said and Monty could tell he was crying too. “You can’t blame yourself Monty. There was nothing you could have done. I didn’t think I could deal with living anymore. I didn’t think being in a bunker for five years with our every move being dictated sounded like the kind of life I wanted. I was wrong. I know it’s not going to be easy living in space. We’re still in an enclosed space. There’s only nine of us and we’re probably going to be hungry and cold. I’m willing to try now though. I wasn’t ready before. Please forgive me Monty.”

 

Monty sagged against Jasper, wrapping his arms around him as tightly as he could without causing himself more pain. “There’s nothing to forgive” he choked out. After a few minutes, he reluctantly moved away and looked up at Jasper, still in awe that he was actually there. Jasper smiled weakly and gently brushed the stray tears from Monty’s cheeks. “I love you” Monty murmured. “I wasn’t sure if you heard.”

 

“I did” Jasper replied as he stroked Monty’s hair. “Hearing that made me want to fight harder, I’m glad I have the chance to now. I love you too in case you hadn’t already guessed.”

 

Someone cleared their throat. Both boys looked up to see Raven standing next to them. “I’m really sorry to break this up” she said reluctantly, “but we have to get into the dropship now.”

 

“Where’s Clarke?” Monty asked.

 

“She’s not back yet” Raven replied. “I don’t think she’s going to make it. I don’t even know if she made it to the tower.”

 

“it’s Clarke” Jasper said, “she’ll make it, she always does.”

 

Raven didn’t look convinced but she ushered them towards the ship anyway. Jasper helped Monty in and Monty flopped down into a seat next to Harper with Jasper on the other side. Harper reached across and squeezed Monty’s arm. “I’m so glad you’re ok” she said.

 

Monty placed his hand over hers. “I’m glad you’re ok too” he replied. Harper smiled and Monty knew he had her blessing to be with Jasper.

 

Raven clambered into the ship. “We’re just going to have to hope she connects that tablet” she said biting her lip. She stuck her head back out, “Bellamy” she called, “you need to get in now!” Bellamy jumped in and Raven shut the door. This was it.

 

“Clarke’s not coming?” Harper asked. Her voice shook and Monty squeezed her hand lightly.

 

“Can’t you wait for one more minute?” Emori asked.

 

“I left her behind and we’re all going to die anyway” Bellamy said.

 

They sat in silence and Monty tried to think about what all this meant. At least they’d tried. If he was going to die, at least Jasper was by his side.

 

Suddenly the engines roared into life. “She did it!” Raven exclaimed, scrambling to flick the necessary switches. Monty felt Jasper’s fingers curling around his wrist and Monty leant against him.

 

“We’re going back to space” Jasper muttered. “I can’t believe it.”

 

Monty nodded and curled further against Jasper’s side. He couldn’t believe Clarke was gone. A wave of sadness washed over him. She’d been a good friend to him, he was going to miss her. Jasper kissed the top of his head as the ship took off taking them away from earth, away from the rest of their friends. They’d done it. Now they just had to survive the next five years.

****************************** 

Later, Monty and Jasper stood by a window on the Ark looking at the Earth, now ravaged by radiation. Raven and Murphy had cut the gloves off Monty’s hands and they were now heavily bandaged. Monty hoped they’d heal, he needed his hands. “I miss Clarke” Jasper said, breaking the silence.

 

“I miss her too” Monty sighed. “I just can’t believe that she sacrificed herself for us.”

 

“That’s what Clarke does” Jasper replied. He looked at Monty and Monty’s heart broke a little at the pain in Jasper’s eyes. “Do you think she knew that I forgave her?” he asked. “I didn’t blame her for Mount Weather but I never actually told her.”

 

“She knew” Monty said gently. “I know she did.”

 

Jasper wrapped his arm around Monty’s shoulders and they turned back towards the window. “On which planet would you rather” Jasper shook his heart and chuckled slightly. “We were so dumb.”

 

“Why?” Monty asked.

 

“I don’t need to be on some stupid planet to be happy. I just need to be wherever you are.”

 

Monty tilted his head up so his lips met Jasper’s. Everything melted away. For a moment, they weren’t in space; the world hadn’t ended. For a moment, it was like they were the only two people in the entire universe, completely wrapped up in each other. When they broke away, they rested their foreheads together.

 

“We’ll be ok, right?” Monty asked.

 

“I hope so” Jasper said simply.

 

And in that moment, that was all Monty could ask for.

 

 


End file.
